names
by astrangetypeofchemistry
Summary: it did not matter. nothing about Adora mattered. the only thing that did was that Adora was the enemy now, and catra had every intention of winning the war. before, it was duty. now, it was personal. / catradora soulmate au. major character death.


**warning: major character death. be wary.**

stories of soulmates, of lost lovers and reunited hearts, are quite common in etheria and even, surprisingly, in the fright zone. they grow up on those stories, on the knowledge that their wrists will burn with beautiful calligraphy, penmanship that they will flaunt the day they finally meet the person the stars have destined for them. there's no room for error, no room to mess up and fall apart because once fate has decided for you, you can't escape what comes next. soulmates fit, whether naturally or through a lot of hard work.

what no one wants to admit is that the name only shows up on one soulmate; the universe decides who does the searching and who gets found, and there is no changing of roles. searchers _must_ find their counterpart, because if they don't do the grunt work, their soulmates will be left waiting forever. nothing is worse than knowing the name of your soulmate, refusing to look for them, and then finding them only to realize that they have moved on to a life without you.

catra never thought she would be the searcher. she never thought her wrist would be engraved with a name that would befall her with a great responsibility. she thought she'd be the one waiting and abandoned, unable to take action because she had nothing to work with. she thought the universe would leave her with an agonizing long life, where her soulmate would be just another person to abandon her.

but the universe surprises her, and she thinks that might mean something.

* * *

when the name shows up on her skin, she realized that fate is not done testing her. she's never heard the name "She-Ra" before, has no clue who it could possibly be. all she knows is that the quiet hope in her heart, the one that had been thrumming for a person she already knew has died, because now she has to spend days, months, maybe even years, all with the looming threat that if she takes too long, it will all be for naught.

she tried asking shadow weaver about She-Ra, hoping that she would know something, anything other than what she already knows. but shadow weaver glares at her, demands to know why catra is asking, and catra hides the name, lies about simple curiosity, and runs.

whoever She-Ra is is _her_ person, and she will be damned if she lets shadow weaver take that away from her. which is why she keeps it from adora, knowing that if adora knows, shadow weaver will too.

so she fakes disappointment, pretends that her arm is bare too, acts like she is secure in the knowledge that she has to wait instead of search. for shadow weaver's sake, for adora's sake, for her own sake.

but mainly, for her She-Ra's sake.

* * *

adora takes the first chance she can of running away, of burning bridges and leaving shadow weaver, the fright zone, _catra__,_ and she thinks, just for a minute, things will improve. she thinks that shadow weaver will stop making catra her punching bag, now that adora's not there to be a comparison point. she hopes that her skills will finally be appreciated, and she'll finally be seen as the skillful warrior that she is.

so it ends up being her luck that the She-Ra she has hoped and prayed for is the same person that has made her life a living hell. it makes _sense_, because the universe is never kind to catra, why would it be now?

it is not enough that Adora got showered with praise and catra did not, not nearly enough that the woman that adored Adora hated catra. now, catra has to dismantle the idea of her soulmate being _safe_ in her head, of the idea that she will finally have someone in her life that loves her, respects her, _acknowledges_ her.

she should have known that fate only had one intention: to screw catra over.

* * *

the soulmates that do the waiting move on sometimes. they watch as life passes by and give up on sitting around. they confront that their soulmates have taken too long and change the direction of their lives.

catra did not wait too long. she slept in her soulmate's bed, practiced combat with her, laughed and cheered at every turn for her, no matter how much it cost catra's own happiness. and yet, still, her soulmate left her. her soulmate got up in the middle of the night, have no explanation, and became the leader of the enemy the next day.

and catra can feel nothing but anger, because she did her part. she committed the name to memory, pored over shelves of books to find mentions of She-Ra, hid and protected her wrist even as her eyes wandered everywhere she went.

and Adora left. _She-Ra_ left. she left catra at the fright zone, following her own journey and throwing away their bond like it meant nothing. she pretended to extend a hand of friendship even as she gripped her sword tight, like the idea of killing her soulmate didn't hurt her. catra did not, _could _not, comprehend how Adora was her soulmate.

catra was tortured, hurt, a fighter, survivor, and warrior. Adora was nothing more than a traitorous, lying princess. how were they destined for each other?

it did not matter. nothing about Adora mattered. the only thing that did was that Adora was the enemy now, and catra had every intention of winning the war.

before, it was duty. now, it was personal.

it was about the searching and the waiting.

* * *

except, the tricky thing about soulmates is that causing harm when you should know better, when you _do_ know better is close to impossible. no matter how many battles catra initiates, no matter how much panic she causes Adora, no matter how often she shows up in front of her, actually hurting her, actually being the source of pain for her is impossible.

and then she understands the meaning of soulmates. she understands why people talk about the bond of soulmates like it means something, like it holds a special place. there is a _reason_ why fate, destiny, and the universe all play a role in them.

"Adora," she says, and her voice is shaking her. there is a wound in her chest that is bleeding out. she will not survive. "i lied. i'm a searcher, not a waiter. i have a name on my wrist. _your_ name. She-Ra's name." Adora is crying as she stares at catra's wrist, trying to use her sword to heal. she does not know how to. catra knows she does not. "and i'm so sorry. for all the fighting, the battles, the anger. i should've talked to you. i should've been _honest_."

what the stories are missing, what everyone always forgets to tell, is that no matter how much pain and loneliness is involved, searchers always love their soulmate. whatever comes their way, searchers protect their waiters, even if they are the ones that did the aiming and firing.

because even though waiters get a choice, searchers do not. they are bound the second the name shows up, even if they desire otherwise.


End file.
